Exhiibit A: Southern Californian Beach Hunk
Here in Southern California, the Body Neurosis Capital of the World – we want to look good (see Exhibit A). Lose weight. Work out more. Eat healthier. We try everything to look good. We work so hard to change how we look on the outside. But we forget about the inside. We think that if only we found the perfect diet/exercise/free liposuction or botox, that we’d become the person we’ve always wanted to be.
It doesn’t work that way. I’m sure this is no surprise to you if you’ve ever put yourself on a strict eating/exercising/cleanse/diet plan. Even if you can sustain it for a few weeks, this kind of regime doesn’t work for the rest of your life. So, then, you may be asking: what is the only diet that actually works?
The only diet that works is one of no more negative thoughts about yourself.
For example, no more self-talk like:
- “I’ll like myself if I lose [insert your fantasy amount here] pounds.”
- “I’ll approve of myself if I go to the gym more.”
- “I’ll be acceptable if I get down to a size [insert your fantasy size here].”
When I lived in Los Angeles, a slim, healthy, well-adjusted friend told me “For years, I tried every diet around. I used to be “the fat girl” in high school. I kept gaining and losing the same 25 pounds over-and-over. Then I read a book called, “The Only Diet There Is” and I finally stabilized my weight at where I wanted it.”
My friend is still slim today, more than 30 years’ later. You can periodically see her on television, but, no, I won’t share her name: she told me her story in confidence.
A diet of no negative self-talk could also be called a “forgiveness diet”. You forgive yourself for not being perfect, not being thinner, for eating that pint of ice cream. Sounds simplistic, doesn’t it? That your weight is dependent on your thoughts. Well, it’s true. Everything in our life starts off as a thought in our heads before it becomes something we manifest in the world. Inner (thinking) manifests as Outer (physical). Not the other way around.
What you think of yourself determines who you become. Do you treat yourself with love, kindness and forgiveness? Or do you berate, punish and scold yourself regularly?
As any veteran of “the diet wars” knows: if you want to improve your appearance over the long run, self-punishment doesn’t work.
Imagine yourself as a little child, learning how to walk. Your parent is nearby, helping you take your first steps. You take one step, then another, and…you’re walking! Then, of course, you fall down.
What happens next? Does your parent tell you, “That was so great! I’m so proud of you. Want to try again?” Or does your parent tell you, “Is that all you can do? That’s pathetic.”
Which strategy is likely to be more successful?
The same thing is true for the adult you. If you encourage and praise yourself, you are able to change your life more quickly and easily. For example, if you aspire to exercise more and eat healthier, on the days that you do it, you could tell yourself: “I did it! I did really well today. Good for me.” By giving yourself positive reinforcement, you’re more likely to repeat the behavior(s) you say you want.
The challenge is more difficult on days when it doesn’t go well. Let’s say you have a day where you eat lots of junk food and sit on the sofa watching reality TV. Do you punish yourself with phrases like: “I am so lazy, I just hate myself. I’ll never lose this weight”?
Or do you say something like, “Okay, I slipped today. But I’ve been doing so well on all those other days. Tomorrow I’ll get back on the program. Slipping for one day isn’t a big deal. “
See how that self-directed kindness helps you get back on your desired program? It works.
Here are 3 questions from Sondra Ray, the author of “The Only Diet There is” that may help you with your “diet” of more self-directed kindness and less emotional self-abuse: Ms. Ray suggests that you ask yourself these questions and write your answers every morning.
- What am I happy about in my life right now?
- What am I grateful for in my life right now?
- Who do I love most in my life right now?
Wouldn’t it be illuminating to do this for a week, a month or a year?
Let’s not just aim to lose weight, let’s aim higher and welcome more happiness, gratitude and love into our lives. After all, Isn’t that what we all want more of?
