photo by Youngjun-Koo for

photo by Youngjun-Koo for

Dear Doctor Kimmel:
My new girlfriend talks too much.  She just never shuts up.  I like her a lot in other ways and she is great in bed, intelligent and adores me.  How do I tell her (or do I)?  She’s driving me nuts and I’m about to lose it.   

Almost Perfect in Normal Heights


Dear AP:

t is really hard to ignore something like non-stop chatter, no matter how many other good qualities this woman has.  So, figure out a way to let her know that you would like more quiet time in your relationship.

Instead of just blurting out “You talk too much!” try something like:  “Sometimes I just love to be with you and enjoy the quiet, can we try this?” or “I just love to (look at you/hold you/lay with you/whatever)…can we try this for a few minutes?”

If that doesn’t work, try the more direct approach.  First, tell her all her wonderful qualities, and list them all, “You are so beautiful, smart, good in bed, etc….and I love being with you, but I am not used to being with someone who likes to talk as much as you do.  Can you help me with this?”

For most of us, talking too much goes pretty deep, and isn’t something we can change overnight (even yours truly has been told he sometimes talks too much), so expecting dramatic changes isn’t realistic.  But, if you don’t ask for what you want (nicely and respectfully), you have no chance of getting it.