Dear Michael:
Maybe I drink too much. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, but I am a VERY social drinker. My friends and I like to hang out in bars and clubs, so you gotta drink, right? Keep those bartenders employed!
I don’t drink alone (much) so I don’t think I have a drinking problem. But I notice I am slowly drinking more and more all the time. I am a big guy (6’2”, 215 lbs.) and we’re talking 7-8 beers a night when I go out with my buddies. Is it okay to drink this much? I’m only 24, isn’t it normal?
Too social drinker
Dear Mr. Too:
While I am not a licensed substance abuse counselor, I’ve worked with many clients who, like you, question whether they are drinking too much. It’s a fine line between enjoying alcohol and having a dependence on it. Most of us, myself included, enjoy a drink occasionally. Why? Because it relaxes us, takes the edge off a rough day, helps us be less socially anxious or shy.
Many people can enjoy the pleasurable effects of alcohol without suffering significant negative consequences. Some people can’t. While they are often called “alcoholics”, a more accurate description would be “alcohol dependent” or “alcohol abusing”.
People who are dependent upon or abuse alcohol cannot have a casual relationship with it; they “need” alcohol to function. Is this you? Can you function just fine without alcohol? Do you need a drink (or two or three) to make it through the day? To get through a social situation? To cope with a difficult relationship? If so, you may have a form of alcohol dependence. Does the alcohol control you, or vice-versa? Alcohol dependence can be identified by an increasing need for larger amounts over time (you mentioned this in your Email). If it’s hard for you to quit or cut down your intake, you may have an alcohol dependence.
From your Email, it doesn’t sound like alcohol is interfering a lot with your daily activities, but it could still be a problem for you. If you were my client, I’d have some questions for you:
- Do you ever binge drink?
- Do you ever drink until you pass out?
- Do you ever drink to avoid feeling sad/angry/lonely?
- Have you ever driven your car while intoxicated?
- Do you drink alone on a regular basis? You say “I don’t drink alone (much)”: what does that mean?
- How much would your life change if alcohol suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth?
- What are your motivations for drinking? Wanting to feel more relaxed in a social situation? Are you drinking because everyone else is and you want to fit in?
You may have some degree of alcohol dependence if you try to impose limits on yourself but can’t stick to them: you go out with your friends and resolve to drink only three drinks. At the end of the night, you’ve had eight drinks and wonder what happened.
What started out as an occasional thing may now be a dependence. If you stopped drinking completely, you may have withdrawal symptoms. Your tolerance for alcohol may have increased so that what three drinks used to do for you now requires eight.
I wonder why you drink so much. You say that you aren’t happy with how much you drink, even though you say “I’m only 24, isn’t it normal?” Replace the word “normal” with “healthy” or “smart”: how would you answer that question now? While younger people may drink more, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. What matters isn’t what other people are doing, what matters is that you don’t feel good about what you’re doing.
I commend you for your self-awareness regarding your alcohol intake and for your willingness to do something about it. You can get lots of helpful information about alcohol dependence/abuse from Alcoholics Anonymous San Diego at https://aasandiego.org or call 619-265-8762 to speak to a sober alcoholic 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Whatever you decide to do, with your awareness and honesty, you’re off to a good start.
