Dear Michael:
Recently a friend told me that I should meditate. I really don’t know what meditation is. I am not into religion or spirituality or that stuff. I’m a hyper, anxious person who worries a lot, and my friend thought that meditation might calm me down. What do you think?
Stressed out in San Diego
Dear Stressed out:
Good for your friend for suggesting meditation; for many of us, it’s extremely helpful in calming our minds and bodies.
Meditation, at its most fundamental, is sitting quietly, listening to your internal dialogue (your self-talk) and doing your best to tune out the outside world for a little while. Meditation has been scientifically proven to have health benefits like lowering stress levels, improving general all-around health and decreasing feelings of anxiety and panic…and unlike many things we enjoy, it’s hard to imagine any negative aspects of meditating.
Some types of meditation focus on repeating a word or phrase to yourself as a way to focus your attention inward. Other types encourage you to focus on a candle flame, a point in space, or a place on the wall. Most of us have a hard time just sitting still for a few minutes and need some help chilling out: by having a focus, it’s easier to quiet ourselves down.
Most of us need something like meditation, yoga or prayer to calm ourselves. Living in a society that encourages us to do something when we feel anxious or worried, it’s hard just to be ourselves and do nothing.
Many people have ambitious ideas about starting to meditate, setting goals of 20 or 30 or even 45 minutes twice a day. Good luck! Having unrealistic expectations like this may doom you to fail; it’s just too hard for most of us. Instead, why not start with 5 minutes or less? It’s more important to start meditating and to keep doing it than to do it for any specific length of time. You could even start with one minute a day and see how that feels. You could go up to two minutes tomorrow and three the next day. Why set yourself up to fail by expecting long meditations from the start? Set yourself up to succeed by starting small.
Many people don’t have a clue what meditation is. You can find a teacher or check it out online (YouTube videos are a good way to start). Meditation need not have any religious or spiritual component, it can just be you sitting there listening to your breathing and noticing the thoughts that run through your head. Walking meditation is another form of meditation: this can be a good way to start when it’s hard to sit.
Personal growth guru Louise Hay once said ”Meditation is when you sit and listen and don’t talk. You just listen and see what you get.”
After consulting with several meditation teachers, one offered me two simple meditations that the Dalai Lama spoke of as helpful:
- Spend five minutes at the beginning of each day remembering that we all want the same things (to be happy and to be loved) and we are all connected to one another.
- Spend five minutes at the end of each day breathing in and out. When you breathe in, focus on cherishing yourself. When you breathe out, focus on cherishing others. If you think about people you have difficulty cherishing, extend your cherishing to them anyway and see what happens.
I meditate (standing up or walking, because I’m usually too antsy to sit) almost every morning, but I’m definitely not an authority. Over the past thirty-some years, it has brought me peace and serenity, as well as frustration and annoyance when my busy mind keeps generating thoughts that take me away from my inner focus. That’s normal! And, please be advised, it does get easier the more you do it.
So follow your intuition and check it out if it beckons to you. The worst that can happen is you have a few more minutes of peace, serenity and relaxation than you usually do…such a problem!
